He was not meant for me.
I saw you looking at me and I believed it was real and I felt a connection in my heart that made me feel hope and love. I saw you looking at me and I believed that we were meant to be, I believed you were meant to be more than just a stranger passing through my life to your destination. I saw you looking at me and I thought you could see me the way I saw you, the way I wanted to be seen. I saw you looking at me and I lost myself in the fantasy of you. I saw you looking at me and I lost me.
When I walked away you were right behind me, I turned around I saw you and felt you. Perhaps that is when I made my first mistake. I walked away and I knew I’d see you again and that was my second mistake. Every time I saw you I felt a connection to you that made me feel hopeful, and yet another mistake.
I know that I cannot hate you for how you feel or do not feel about me, for not being able to see me the way I see you, for the disappointment I felt when I realised the truth, that you are not responsible for my dashed hopes and dreams, for the pain and sadness I felt and still feel when I think about you. I cannot hate you for the rejection that I felt and the pain of a broken heart. You are not to blame for the role I cast you for, the role you did not choose, the role you were not meant for or even aware of; because you were never meant to be mine. I realise now that you were meant to be a forgetful character in the chapter of my life, but I made the mistake of giving you a bigger role than you were meant for, I made you the leading role in my life and my heart, I made you my more. The truth is that you were not meant to be mine.
I sorry for the pain I put myself through, I am sorry for the wasted time I spent hoping for you to be my more, I am sorry for hating you for not being him, I am sorry I did not realise sooner and I am sorry I could not let you go, that I held onto you longer than I should have.
I now know not to wish upon a fantasy and not to hang my hopes on a look. I know not to cast the important role of my heart to someone based on what I saw on the outside. I know that I am capable of being loved, and that I am enough. I will no longer settle to being a forgetful footnote in someone else’s story, to being someone else’s forgotten character. I now know that my story is too beautiful to be forgotten.
He was not meant to be mine and I was not meant to be his.
serendipitousaffair.wordpress.com 